Showing posts with label captain vijayakant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label captain vijayakant. Show all posts

Friday, August 20, 2010

A few ways the world will end...

"the doomsday is coming", "world will end in 2012", "the final battle between the good and evil", "end of the world"... We've been hearing these things for quite a while now. Nostradamus, Discovery channel, astrologer 'punniyakodi', all of them have given their own versions...
  • Nuclear holocaust
  • Alien invasion
  • Global Warming
  • Asteroid impact
  • Global epidemics
  • Volcanic eruptions
  • Supernova
  • Sucked by black holes
  • 3rd world war
Heard all this already so many times...?

Listed below are a few weird/strange/'not thought about' ways in which the world might end.
  • Too much advancements in Genetic Engineering:- In about 60 years from now, the field of genetic engineering would have really developed, All governments will start granting huge funds to the scientists and research labs. initially all the inventions/creations/developments will be in small scale, like "chicken with 10 legs" (so that everyone gets a leg piece) and "dogs that look like dragons" [fan(ta)cy pets] etc...

    Slowly greed increases and we start developing a buffalo sized goats, whale sized prawns, monkeys with 6th, 7th and 8th senses, so that they can do our work etc, and obviously we get a whole range of "bt" stuff...! "bt tomatoes", "bt spinach" , "bt watermelon" to name a few...

One thing leads to another and the animals and plants take over the world and ultimately destroy the human race...

  • The 'CHINA' factor:- China starts to grow really fast (lets forget about India for a while). The value of yuan reaches new heights. at certain point, 1yuan becomes = 2000 dollars = 1800 pounds = 29000 riyals = 15 billion Zimbabwe money etc. China's power economically/socially/literally exceeds all other countries.  Other countries give up. So China starts conquering all the countries. very soon, the world becomes 'one giant China'... it will be no longer called 'the world' or 'the earth' instead they rename it 'the China'... from outer space it looks all red in colour! and now the aliens start putting up their industries in China and start importing goods from it... but a crucial decision is taken in the all planet association that China's development is a potential danger for the universe, hence they decide to destroy China (formerly known as earth)...

  • Divine intervention:- One fine morning god says "THAT'S ALL FOLKS"!!! (loony tunes/bugs bunny style)... But god should give us at least a 3 months notice I say... But what can we do? there's nothing like a labour law or something which is going to protect us!!!

  •  The Robots factor:- 
    • Time machine malfunction:- Humans start sending more and more robots back in time to fix many issues faced in the past, like preventing the Bhopal gas leak, convincing Hitler's mother for abortion etc (Terminator style)... one of these time machines, due some malfunction, sends the terminator way too many years back in time. Terminator meets Adam and Eve. And he terminates Eve for some reason. With no Eve around and nothing to do. Adam eventually dies, as the first and last human being. human race was never formed. world eventually gets destroyed (well,what do you expect robots to do?)
Last but not the least...(bonus)
  • Michel Bay directs a new Hollywood movie with a few Indian actors and releases it worldwide in 80 different languages. and why is this going to destroy the world??? the movie poster itself is self explanatory... the movie is about how a group of heroes save the world from something really bad (with mind 'bursting' stunts)... A film, which is all about saving the world, actually destroys the world?!!! now that is called irony...

Thursday, March 18, 2010

When Terminator Met Captain Vijayakanth...

Situation: Terminator (T) comes to Chennai on a mission to save the world. He originates near mylapore bus stand from a ball of lightning fire, and he's naked. The first person he sees is Captain Vijayakanth (V) (a Popular Tamil actor). he finds out that V's cloths matches his (T) specification.

Assume: Terminator understands Tamil (and Captain understands English)

the original scene (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCSK63SBDfQ)






Termintator (T): I want your Cloths, sunglasses, gun and motor cycle.

Captain Vijayakanth (V): uyyyeeeeeeeeeeeee! Tamil nattuley enna pathu indha kelviya keta modhal aalu nee than da (you're the 1st person in tamil nadu to ask this question)

T some how manages to get cloths

V: tambi, yaaru da nee? (bro, who're u?)

T: I'm a cybernetic organism, a humanoid with living tissue over a metal endoskeleton. sent back in time to save the world.

V: ada, namma aalu!!! naan kooda kitta thatta appadi than thambi (Oh really!!! u're like me then... I am also something like that only)

Terminator falls on the ground and starts laughing after hearing this

V: ennapa sirikirey? nee robot illey? eppppppadi? (your laughing? are'nt u a robot? how did u do that?)

T: for joke like this, does it really matter if you are a human or a Robot or anything else...

V: sari thambi, adha vidu... variya oru tea rendu masala vada saapidalam? (ok bro leave it. why dont u come with me and we'll have 1 tea and 2 vadas each?)

T: Negative!

V: innadhu? (wat?)

T: can't have tea or vada. I've not been programmed to eat all that. I can have burger or pizza or KFC...!

V: Tambi, Tamil nattule motha hotel galoda ennikka 5468, adhula burrrrrgurrrrrrrr kidaikura yadanga 1428, motha KFC outlettunga 9, namma area pakkathula irukkura burrrrrrrrrrgurrrrrrrrrrrrr jointunga 38... aaana idhula oru yadathula kood freeya yedhuvum thara maatangaley pa (captain quickly summarizes the details abt various hotels and burger joints in tamil nadu and also says that he does'nt have any money)

n hearing this T spits... then becomes normal after sometime! T takes out some money from his pocket and holds it in one hand showing it to captain. he offers another hand to captain and says...

T: "Come with me if you want to eat"

V: sooober appu! appadiye oru quarter vangi thaapa (thats nice, also buy me a quarter bottle of alcohol)

T: Negative! it is not mission priority! Hastala vista baby!!!

V: Aska lakadi gala gala baby!!!

The end of scene... to be continued!