Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The parallel universe

For a moment, forget the different theories that we've heard, relating to the discoveries in quantum physics and cosmology which say there is a possible parallel universe (probably hidden) and the theories which contradict the idea... also, there has been a lot movies and TV series on this.

Let's assume that there is a parallel universe!!! (the exact opposite of our universe - all the good is bad and vice versa :-)) - watch South Park episode "spooky fish" for more clarifications. This post is a tribute to South Park (and NOT 'Fringe'), the greatest TV show of all time!

To start with, the parallel universe has humans, aliens etc, just like our universe... and men are men and women are women! no change in that! There is a milky way galaxy look-alike but it's called "Soupy way" and the Earth is just called "Earth", but it has only 30% of it's surface covered with water, and similarly changes in all the other gay meteorological/scientific stuff which i don't wanna waste your time with!

In this parallel universe:
  • Charlie sheen is a Priest
  • Caterpillar is a company manufacturing cotton candy and Komatsu is a vendor supplying sugar to CAT.
  • Hugh Hefner runs a vegetarian family restaurant!
  • Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, Lakshmi Mittal, Rakesh Jhunjhunwala, The Ambanis, all of them live on the welfare money provided by their respective governments!
  • a certain b-school is actually the number one b-school in India but they do not give free laptops.
  • Poonam Pandey doesn't like publicity.
  • Michel Bay is the best Director in Hollywood,
  • Harry Potter kills Ron and rapes Hermoine and there are only 4 volumes in the series!
  • People tell lies on twitter and the truth on facebook.
  • McDonald's India serves 'The Big Mac' (with beef). And India features in the big mac index.
  • Made in China goods are freakishly expensive
  • Angry birds is not at all addictive. In fact you get only one chance per level in every one hour!
  • Reality shows are all about the contestants coming and performing. The judges do not overact just because a camera is pointing at them!
  • The 3rd Thursday of every month, from 2pm to 3pm in the afternoon, it rains petrol, everywhere (except in the middle east)!
  • Infomercials are all boring, but the products are really useful and interesting.
  • Tourists visit Amsterdam, Bangkok etc for the religious shrines!
  • Russel peters works as an office assistant under people like Jessie Jackson, The late Mr Harvey Milk etc.
  • Movies release on every Monday and only 1 out of every 10 movies is stupid!
  • Girls don't use make-up
  • 'The Simpsons' was cancelled after the 2nd season.
  • Indian Politicians are allowed to contest in elections only upon the submission of their MBA degree and  the proof of their stay for a year in one of the slums in the country. and they should have served the Indian army for a year at least!
  • You can actually find out if it's coke or pepsi in a blind test!
  • Wardrobe malfunctions happen without the knowledge of the actress.
  • PETA is actually a restaurant which serves the best Bacon-cheese burgers and exotic meat platters in the world and Pamela Anderson is a fully dressed cocktail waitress there!
  • Paris Hilton attends Harward and becomes successful and rich by actually working hard!
  • A Raja & Kalmadi are fasting and asking the Government to arrest Anna Hazare for his involvement in a corruption case.
  • David Beckham is completely bald and he maintains that one hairstyle throughout his life!
  • Every inch of the world in CCTVed. hence zero crime!
Assume many more such dissimilarities in the parallel universe, as you wish.

Now lets say, there's a facility, more like a teleporting device. which could transport people/objects from one universe to another, But only on exchange/swap basis (of the equivalent). :) :)

This raises a very important question. Who from that universe would you like to bring to ours and vice versa? :) 
Remember! In that universe, there is an opposite version of you.!!!


Thursday, March 18, 2010

When Terminator Met Captain Vijayakanth...

Situation: Terminator (T) comes to Chennai on a mission to save the world. He originates near mylapore bus stand from a ball of lightning fire, and he's naked. The first person he sees is Captain Vijayakanth (V) (a Popular Tamil actor). he finds out that V's cloths matches his (T) specification.

Assume: Terminator understands Tamil (and Captain understands English)

the original scene (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCSK63SBDfQ)






Termintator (T): I want your Cloths, sunglasses, gun and motor cycle.

Captain Vijayakanth (V): uyyyeeeeeeeeeeeee! Tamil nattuley enna pathu indha kelviya keta modhal aalu nee than da (you're the 1st person in tamil nadu to ask this question)

T some how manages to get cloths

V: tambi, yaaru da nee? (bro, who're u?)

T: I'm a cybernetic organism, a humanoid with living tissue over a metal endoskeleton. sent back in time to save the world.

V: ada, namma aalu!!! naan kooda kitta thatta appadi than thambi (Oh really!!! u're like me then... I am also something like that only)

Terminator falls on the ground and starts laughing after hearing this

V: ennapa sirikirey? nee robot illey? eppppppadi? (your laughing? are'nt u a robot? how did u do that?)

T: for joke like this, does it really matter if you are a human or a Robot or anything else...

V: sari thambi, adha vidu... variya oru tea rendu masala vada saapidalam? (ok bro leave it. why dont u come with me and we'll have 1 tea and 2 vadas each?)

T: Negative!

V: innadhu? (wat?)

T: can't have tea or vada. I've not been programmed to eat all that. I can have burger or pizza or KFC...!

V: Tambi, Tamil nattule motha hotel galoda ennikka 5468, adhula burrrrrgurrrrrrrr kidaikura yadanga 1428, motha KFC outlettunga 9, namma area pakkathula irukkura burrrrrrrrrrgurrrrrrrrrrrrr jointunga 38... aaana idhula oru yadathula kood freeya yedhuvum thara maatangaley pa (captain quickly summarizes the details abt various hotels and burger joints in tamil nadu and also says that he does'nt have any money)

n hearing this T spits... then becomes normal after sometime! T takes out some money from his pocket and holds it in one hand showing it to captain. he offers another hand to captain and says...

T: "Come with me if you want to eat"

V: sooober appu! appadiye oru quarter vangi thaapa (thats nice, also buy me a quarter bottle of alcohol)

T: Negative! it is not mission priority! Hastala vista baby!!!

V: Aska lakadi gala gala baby!!!

The end of scene... to be continued!