Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The parallel universe

For a moment, forget the different theories that we've heard, relating to the discoveries in quantum physics and cosmology which say there is a possible parallel universe (probably hidden) and the theories which contradict the idea... also, there has been a lot movies and TV series on this.

Let's assume that there is a parallel universe!!! (the exact opposite of our universe - all the good is bad and vice versa :-)) - watch South Park episode "spooky fish" for more clarifications. This post is a tribute to South Park (and NOT 'Fringe'), the greatest TV show of all time!

To start with, the parallel universe has humans, aliens etc, just like our universe... and men are men and women are women! no change in that! There is a milky way galaxy look-alike but it's called "Soupy way" and the Earth is just called "Earth", but it has only 30% of it's surface covered with water, and similarly changes in all the other gay meteorological/scientific stuff which i don't wanna waste your time with!

In this parallel universe:
  • Charlie sheen is a Priest
  • Caterpillar is a company manufacturing cotton candy and Komatsu is a vendor supplying sugar to CAT.
  • Hugh Hefner runs a vegetarian family restaurant!
  • Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, Lakshmi Mittal, Rakesh Jhunjhunwala, The Ambanis, all of them live on the welfare money provided by their respective governments!
  • a certain b-school is actually the number one b-school in India but they do not give free laptops.
  • Poonam Pandey doesn't like publicity.
  • Michel Bay is the best Director in Hollywood,
  • Harry Potter kills Ron and rapes Hermoine and there are only 4 volumes in the series!
  • People tell lies on twitter and the truth on facebook.
  • McDonald's India serves 'The Big Mac' (with beef). And India features in the big mac index.
  • Made in China goods are freakishly expensive
  • Angry birds is not at all addictive. In fact you get only one chance per level in every one hour!
  • Reality shows are all about the contestants coming and performing. The judges do not overact just because a camera is pointing at them!
  • The 3rd Thursday of every month, from 2pm to 3pm in the afternoon, it rains petrol, everywhere (except in the middle east)!
  • Infomercials are all boring, but the products are really useful and interesting.
  • Tourists visit Amsterdam, Bangkok etc for the religious shrines!
  • Russel peters works as an office assistant under people like Jessie Jackson, The late Mr Harvey Milk etc.
  • Movies release on every Monday and only 1 out of every 10 movies is stupid!
  • Girls don't use make-up
  • 'The Simpsons' was cancelled after the 2nd season.
  • Indian Politicians are allowed to contest in elections only upon the submission of their MBA degree and  the proof of their stay for a year in one of the slums in the country. and they should have served the Indian army for a year at least!
  • You can actually find out if it's coke or pepsi in a blind test!
  • Wardrobe malfunctions happen without the knowledge of the actress.
  • PETA is actually a restaurant which serves the best Bacon-cheese burgers and exotic meat platters in the world and Pamela Anderson is a fully dressed cocktail waitress there!
  • Paris Hilton attends Harward and becomes successful and rich by actually working hard!
  • A Raja & Kalmadi are fasting and asking the Government to arrest Anna Hazare for his involvement in a corruption case.
  • David Beckham is completely bald and he maintains that one hairstyle throughout his life!
  • Every inch of the world in CCTVed. hence zero crime!
Assume many more such dissimilarities in the parallel universe, as you wish.

Now lets say, there's a facility, more like a teleporting device. which could transport people/objects from one universe to another, But only on exchange/swap basis (of the equivalent). :) :)

This raises a very important question. Who from that universe would you like to bring to ours and vice versa? :) 
Remember! In that universe, there is an opposite version of you.!!!


GT said...

Good one Sasi...nice post..I would like to bring PETA restaurant :-) you know the reasson

Unknown Author said...

haaahaaa!!! Punam Pandey hates publicity it seems!!
I would prolly bring back Jack the Ripper... more protection for women :D

Biju said...

Great one Sasi!! Simply rocking as usual..May be there you are a non-drinker with 6 packs abs!

Anonymous said...

In the same parallel universe, Sasikumar Vasan does not tweet in twitter every 10 minutes about random shit. He is presentable always. He actually can pass off as Captain Jack Sparrow. He is a Teetotaller and he is also a Vegetarian. He would also be so soft-spoken that you would have to strain your ears to hear him. He would actually be able t keep his mouth shut for 10 mins.
Mr.S is person who would say YES for anything fun. He is a true vegetarian Brahmin. He is also a Teetotaller. He is so not a Racist and respects other Religions. He can tolerate handicapped people and doesnt find them hilarious. He is not a person who would think twice about the necessity and use of the product he wants to buy, he would be rash in his purchases. He would not buy the same vehicle every 4 years and claim to have bought something new like a douchebag...He would not be a tree-hugger by going for treks every weekend claiming it to be the best experience each time. He would actually put on weight.
Both of them would not live life everyday using phrases from Southpark as the mainstay of their conversations. They would also enjoy Family Guy.

Mr.D would actually pick up his phone and speak the truth of his whereabouts. He would keep in touch with his friends and not claim to be 100 miles away from Chennai when his friends call. He would also truly take care of his Grandpa/ Grandma and not use it as an excuse/ lie to get away from drinking with his friends even though he is already Half a bottle of Alcohol down, if not more. His would never want anyone to F*** his car no matter how drunk he was. He would not have any contacts with people who run a TASMAC illegally at 12 midnight, and surely not have them on Speed Dial. He would not claim to have witnessed Accidents every time he goes driving. He would not Slip on the dashboard of my car and approve of my driving.

Mr.Su would be a bachelor still having fun everyday. He would actually tell his mum that he drinks and smokes. If and when his gets married, his wife would know too. He would drink to his ability and limit and not Abuse the limit, the way he abuses his freedom. He would drive like his friends do and not turn like he turns on a bike, swerving through traffic, leaving us with our hearts in our mouths. He would not be in love with ONIONS. He could actually eat a Jain Meal. He could till today maintain a body of a cricketer/ Athelete. He would wear a helmet when he rides. He would be soft spoken. He would also wait for other people to get a share of the meal before he uses the methods used by Germans in World War 2 to conquer countries(Blitzkreig- means Lightning War), on the plate.

More on this later...

Anonymous said...

So in that parallel universe..............

Rajnikant (Rajni) wouldn't have even a single 'hit' or 'fan' and would be a road side beggar!!!!!!! :P

Anonymous said...

Rajnikanth would still b the superstar irrespective of the universe he is in. He is the only person to b able to communicate across parallel universes

~iyshu~ said...

Political one was just brilliant!